Pastor Appreciation Month When Ministry is Hard

That October was the worst one I can remember and by far, most difficult season of ministry I hope my husband and I ever experience. A large and influential family in our small rural church had staged a coup over a leadership vote, defeating the vote and leaving the church in one fell swoop. For months prior to the vote, some of them campaigned for whatever opposing view they could come up with that might put my husband’s theological convictions in a bad light. My husband would be quick to say he didn’t handle everything well, but it was a brutal experience for him, nonetheless. When that group of church members left, my husband’s reputation had been damaged in our small town, and the trust between pastor and congregation was in shambles. The body was broken, and we all felt the loss.

Needless to say, October wasn’t Pastor Appreciation month that year. Looking back, I know many of our faithful church members were simply trying to hold on, to understand what was true, to keep believing in the idea of the church when it was the messiest place they could imagine. My husband and I kept our heads down and just committed to showing up for the next ten years. And that’s what we did. Because that’s what our church needed from us.

A Yearly Pastoral Conundrum

The yearly celebration of Pastor Appreciation Month is a lovely way to celebrate your pastor and his family. I’ve seen (and experienced) churches shower their pastor with money, time away, babysitting, gift cards, a pantry restock, cards and letters, photo albums, and more. It’s a sweet way for a church to tangibly love their pastor’s family and demonstrate their appreciation for the work and life of ministry. Shepherding, oversight, preaching, teaching, discipling, comforting, correcting, visiting, showing up week after week after week—it’s not an easy calling. But like my husband, most pastors I know wouldn’t consider doing anything else with their lives. They are called. And they are devoted, whether or not they get a gift or recognition in October.

But every October, social media is flooded with posts about appreciating your pastor, and oftentimes, there are pastors and pastors’ wives who feel discouraged by something that is supposed to be encouraging. Not every church participates in Pastor Appreciation Month. Some people view it like Valentine’s Day—an arbitrary holiday designed to encourage the purchase of greeting cards and candy. To those people, it’s not a big deal to let it slide. Some churches are going through conflict that makes a celebration difficult to put together or enjoy. Some churches just forget. (On rare occasions it might be a personal slight, but I’ve yet to see that personally.) If a pastor and his wife make it through October without a peep from their congregation, what are they to suppose? Every year, ministry couples are faced with the potentially discouraging realities of this holiday. What do they do when they don’t feel appreciated?

Look to Your Calling

My husband and I have been in ministry for twenty years. Eighteen of those years have been at our current church. Throughout our ministry, I’ve kept two verses written on the inside cover of my Bible. The first one comes from Paul’s instructions to Archippus in Colossae: “Pay attention to the ministry you have received in the Lord, so that you can accomplish it” (Col. 4:17). The ministry God has put in front of pastors and their wives needs careful attention. It’s an all-encompassing work that meshes the pastor’s job with his family’s life. There’s just no neat way to untangle it. There will be losses and griefs we feel from the pains of ministry. It’s impossible to keep work at work when the work includes friendships, suffering, and spiritual investment. But if God has called us to be invested in the church where he’s planted us, then we must pay attention to what he has called us to do so that with his help we can accomplish the work.

The second verse written on the inside cover of my Bible, also from Paul, says this: “Therefore, my dear brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always excelling in the Lord’s work, knowing that your labor in the Lord is not in vain” (1 Cor. 15:58). In context, Paul is proclaiming the glory of our coming resurrection. In light of Jesus’ defeat of sin, Satan, and death itself, we must remain steadfast in our work for the Lord. Our ministry is not in vain. We might not see much return on the years we give to the local church, but none of it is pointless. God has planted you at your church for this time for his purposes. He is at work in ways you may never see this side of heaven. He is sovereign. He is also good. Remember your calling. Press on.

Look to Your Eternal Reward

We are not in ministry for the perks. While you might laugh and ask, “What perks?” what I mean is that we are not in ministry for earthly rewards. If you’re in ministry for any kind of personal gain, I’ll refer you back to my previous point. Pastors and their wives give their lives to ministry because God has called them to it. He calls pastors to shepherd his flock because he loves his church. Pastors obey because they love the church and its Shepherd. We are in this for love and obedience. We are in this for the winning and shaping of souls that will matter for eternity. A yearly gift of recognition is lovely and kind. But nothing anyone can give you on earth can compare with what awaits us in heaven. We serve the local church because ultimately, we are serving Christ. He is our inheritance (see Col. 3:24).

“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light and momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal” (2 Cor. 4:16-18). When it comes down to eternal matters, to waste away day by day in ministry is a beautiful way to be spent for the kingdom of God. These days of toil and prayer will be only a breath of remembrance when we’re in the new heavens and the new earth. Look to what is unseen. The unseen reward is eternal.

Look for the Ones Who Stay

Maybe Pastor Appreciation is supposed to be about appreciating the pastor, but I’d like to encourage you to look for ways to appreciate your congregation. Have you been through trials in ministry? Who wrote you a letter or prayed over you when you were down? Who dropped off a plate of cookies for your kids or delivered a meal when your wife had surgery? Who helped with your car repairs without letting anyone else know? Who shows up Sunday after Sunday after Sunday, ready to worship and learn and pray? Be encouraged by the faithfulness of the ones who stay. Your church is appreciating you when they sit through the sermon with an open Bible and heart. Your church is appreciating you when they pray for your kids and don’t hold higher expectations for them than other children. Your congregation is appreciating you when they get behind your new outreach idea or sermon series. They’re appreciating you when they show you grace just as you do for them. Look for the ones who stay, the ones who are committed to the Lord and his church. The ones who stay are expressing their appreciation through their faithfulness.

By God’s grace, our church healed. It took years, but we regained our equilibrium and were able to move forward together as a body. Fragile bonds strengthened. Shaky trust grew firm. Leading with grace became one of our core values. But that doesn’t mean we don’t carry the scars of past wounds. As much as my husband (and I) had “battered pastor syndrome,” our church family also suffered deeply from the conflict and sinful behavior of others in the past. But they stayed. They stayed. I love my church with all my heart, and I regularly thank the Lord for keeping us all here together. Sometimes I look around on Sundays and I can’t believe they’ve all stayed with us for so long.

That’s the appreciation we’ve truly needed. People who stay.