To Introvert Pastors
By John Davis
I’m an introvert, and I’m a pastor. The Lord’s got a sense of humor. In fact, I’m an introvert all the way. Perhaps you can relate. My perfect day would probably be spent alone, in a completely quiet place, with a good book. When I was growing up, I was so shy I would cry around people I didn’t know. I’ve never particularly liked big crowds, loud parties, or meeting people I don’t know. Yet, the good Lord in his wisdom saw fit to call me into the ministry! Isn’t it just like him to do something like that? Anyone who knew me when I was young would look at me now and think, “The only explanation for that is God!” No doubt, that was his plan all along.
Surprisingly Common
Most people are surprised to learn that the vocation of pastor actually attracts a lot of introverts. You’d think we’d be scared off by all the public speaking, but actually no. We love preaching! And we really love all the studying that goes into a sermon. Long stretches in a quiet office reading the Bible, praying, and going deep with some of our favorite theology books is pretty much a dream come true for us. I still can’t believe I get paid to do this!
However, what does sometimes make us introverts uncomfortable are the more personal interactions — the home and hospital visits, the small-talk before and after services, and the going right up to someone we’ve never met and starting a conversation cold. So, there’s one side of pastoral ministry that’s right up our alley, and there’s another side that extroverted pastors are much better at. The Lord, in his wisdom, calls both kinds of men to the ministry.
It is often said that introverts don’t necessarily dislike being around people, it just drains them. They recharge when alone. Extroverts are apparently the opposite. I’ve found this to be true. Something I did not expect when I entered into my first ministry as the main preaching minister was how drained I would feel after each Sunday morning. I literally cannot stay awake on Sunday afternoons. I’m convinced it has a great deal to do with the introverted way God wired me. After a Sunday morning full of teaching, preaching, and having to be “on” for everyone who walks in the door, I am absolutely zonked. There have even been times when we’ve had company over to visit on a Sunday afternoon and I couldn’t even stay awake for them! I dearly love Sunday mornings and being around our people. It’s just that those times always drain me, whereas they apparently give an increase in energy to extroverted pastors (are you guys insane?!).
Introversion and Selfish Desires
Because of this, I have found myself wanting to avoid people at times, and in pastoral ministry, that’s not always a good thing. There are times to buckle down and study or to pray in secret, and there are times when you need to be around your flock. The title of Lynn Anderson’s book on pastors has always convicted me: They Smell Like Sheep. We need to spend time around our people. Being with and among the sheep must be a hallmark of our ministry.
If you are an introverted pastor, and you feel this desire to avoid your sheep at times, I want to encourage you that you are not alone. Many of us feel that. But I also want to challenge you. The first time I ever considered Proverbs 18:1 in this context, it felt like God punched me in the gut.
“Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire.” (Proverbs 18:1)
If I am honest, there have been times when I have used introversion as an excuse to avoid shepherding these people God has called me to serve. Instead of visiting I have found excuses to study more. There have been times when I have lingered in my office instead of catching up with our people out in the lobby. These moments were not morally neutral. I was saying yes to my own flesh while saying no to the direction of the Holy Spirit.
Introversion and extroversion are not mentioned in the Bible anywhere. Apparently, God didn’t think it was that big of a deal. So, while there are times when we need to acknowledge how God has wired us and care for ourselves, there are many times when we need to quit using introversion as an excuse to gratify our own selfish desires. Jesus said if anyone wants to follow him, they must deny themselves and take up their cross. So, walking in God’s will is not always going to line up with your introversion. Sometimes you need care for yourself, but sometimes you need to get over yourself.
God Can Change You
But here’s a great encouragement in all this: you are not doomed to remain as you are. Just because you feel uncomfortable in some settings today doesn’t mean you will for your entire life. There’s no rule that says introversion and extroversion are immutable!
Thirteen years ago, when I started out in full-time ministry, I really didn’t know what to do with myself in those times before and after church. When everyone was just talking and catching up with one another’s lives, I would hide out in my office because I felt awkward. Thankfully, the Lord in his kindness and mercy provided me with a wife who was willing to push and challenge me in the areas where I needed it. She would grab me and literally shove me out my office door because she knew what I was feeling and what I was doing. She would say, “I know it makes you uncomfortable, but you need to be out there.” I’m forever thankful.
As I forced myself (or was forced) time and time again, guess what started to happen? It’s no great surprise. I began to feel more and more comfortable in those settings. After a number of years of it, I even began to enjoy them and to feel like I was good at it! Over time, the Lord did a great work in my heart and brought me out of my shell. He helped me acquire those ever-important interpersonal skills that it takes to be a pastor that a congregation genuinely likes and trusts. I cannot overstate how important these skills are for a long-term ministry. There’s no getting around it… if your people feel like you don’t enjoy talking to them, they won’t enjoy having you as their pastor.
I still can’t stay awake on Sunday afternoons, but I actually look forward to those times in the lobby before and after services. I really love being with these people. Brothers, God did that. And he can do it for you too if you let him.
John Davis began full–time ministry in 2011 and currently serves as the Senior Minister at Columbia Christian Church in Columbia, Kentucky, where he lives with his wife, Jennifer, and two kids, Owen and Jordyn. He has a bachelor’s degree in Business Management from the University of Kentucky and a master’s in Theology from Cincinnati Bible Seminary. John is the author of Seeing the Unseen God published by Christian Focus.